by Jeanette R. Harrison, MPH
This post is part of my ongoing gratitude practice inspired by The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. The book offers 28 days and 28 different ways to practice gratitude, and I’ve come to appreciate this approach because I genuinely believe in dreams. My own copy is literally falling apart, I have used it so much.
As Walt Disney said, “A dream is a wish your heart makes.”
In my guided journal, Bragging About You, I built space to track dreams and goals side by side. I believe many dreams become possible through actionable steps. That’s what a goal is: something you believe in, plan for, and work toward.
I’ll be the first to admit that my life hasn’t followed a typical path. Some people want me to focus only on disappointment — to frame my story as proof that I’m less than, undeserving, or somehow a failure. They want me to accept the word “loser” so their judgments feel justified.
Yes, my life has been hard. When someone says they’ve experienced trauma year after year, it isn’t because life was easy. It’s because they carried more than most people ever have to. I’ve often felt like I was dealt a bad hand. Many things others take for granted, I’ve simply never had.
I can count the number of birthday parties I’ve had on one hand, and I’m 54 years old. This Thanksgiving, two people reached out to wish me well. Last Christmas, I received one gift. I’ve spent double‑digit holidays - Christmases, Thanksgivings, birthdays, alone.
You might assume that means I’m a terrible person. I’m not. I’m an okay person who was repeatedly made to feel like I didn’t deserve even the bare minimum. I’ve never had much materially. I’ve been a renter most of my adult life. All my cars were used. I was never rich, and I definitely don't have buckets of money.
For a long time, I believed this was somehow my fault — until I paid a therapist to tell me plainly, “You are not being treated well.” One thing The Magic taught me is that gratitude can be complicated when you don’t have many of the basics others list so easily. I never had a family of my own — not even as a child. I was passed from home to home. I don’t have children. When I moved to Idaho to be closer to “friends” and “family,” I was told I was forcing myself into people’s lives.
I’ve often felt like an outsider in my own life.
I never had a wedding, an engagement party, or a bridal shower. I had two graduation parties. No one saw me off when I moved away. No one checks on me when I’m sick. I don’t wake up on Christmas morning to noise and laughter. I wake up alone. I never experienced the first days of school, recitals, or having my own children.
So today, instead of big visions or polished affirmations, I’m writing something quieter.
10 Things I Wish I Had Today
Feeling safe and stable in my home.
Not having to constantly worry about money.
Being treated with kindness and respect at least over 50% of the time.
Not having people deliberately mess with me.
Real support for what I do, not just words.
People being physically present, not just distant.
Being included instead of made to feel like I’m chasing after people and being told to "go away." like my life is an elementary school playground.
No longer feeling like I have to prove my worth.
Knowing what unconditional love feels like.
Having someone make an effort toward me for a change.
The Best Thing That Happened Today
Finding out that someone selected one of my poetry books for their book club.
10 Things I Am Grateful for Today
My crocheted blanket resting on my lap.
That my mom taught me how to crochet, which is still relaxing.
The comfortable chair I’m sitting in.
The kindness of strangers.
That people feel safe being open and vulnerable with me.
Every concert I performed in.
All the years I played the clarinet.
The memories that remind me of what I did once mattered to someone.
Waking up to my dog snuggled beside me.
The food I ate today.
Some days, gratitude isn’t loud or triumphant. Some days, it’s quiet, honest, and imperfect.
Today was one of those days.
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