by Jeanette R. Harrison, MPH
Are you a procrastinator? I used to be a big one. I was the Queen of the Last Minute. Even in college, one of my professors joked that if a paper was due at 5:00 p.m., he’d see me at 4:59. Other students would roll their eyes or make snide remarks. That was par for the course. Compassion, kindness, or curiosity toward me were rarely on offer.
I’ve been open about the fact that I wasn’t treated well by my peers in college. I was the butt of jokes, excluded from social circles, and treated as though my presence was inconvenient. I’ve since come to understand that some people believed that by excluding me, I would adjust my behavior to earn their approval. The goalposts, however, always moved. No matter what I did, it was never enough.
The truth is simpler and harder: many of these people came from privileged backgrounds, and I didn't. I was the broke girl with glasses, the messy hair, wearing ripped jean shorts and t-shirts. They didn’t like that I worked more than they did and still earned strong grades. I held three jobs in college. While others had time to socialize and build connections, I was working, at practice, or studying. When they assumed I was “sleeping,” it was usually because I was exhausted. Don't get me wrong. I went to parties and had my share of "boyfriends..." just like they all did. They weren't nice to me, so I wasn't nice back. But, for some reason, it was okay for them but not okay for me.
What began in college didn’t end there. Some of these same individuals continued to bully me, directly or indirectly, for decades. They spoke negatively about me to employers, acquaintances, and anyone who would listen. I internalized those messages. My family members joined in because their circle of connections included people from this college. I took lower-level jobs because both family members and others convinced me that was all I was capable of—that I was “just a secretary.”
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| I took this selfie only three or four months after moving to Idaho. The whole time, I was struggling. I came here with two suitcases, my little dog, and $2400 in my pocket. Instead of helping me, a group of people chastised me over petty things and called me names almost daily. Because they made up a lie that I was "chasing after" some man they knew and thought I wasn't good enough for. |
At various points, I was expected to apologize—not for wrongdoing, but for reacting to mistreatment. I was asked to take responsibility for other people’s behavior, their discomfort, and their decisions. This dynamic wasn’t limited to peers; I experienced it in personal and family relationships, as well. Being told to apologize for having a reaction to harm is not accountability—it’s control.
Some family members participated in this pattern as well, believing that my desire for connection gave them the right to hypercriticize, alienate, or isolate me. When I said recently that I no longer needed anyone’s acceptance because I accept myself, I was unfriended. That response told me everything I needed to know.
Today’s gratitude practice asked me to reflect on a difficult relationship and find something to be grateful for. I procrastinated because I didn't want to do it. I finally decided I needed to let go a little today. Not because the pain wasn’t real, but because gratitude does not require denial. Holding onto anger is often compared to holding a hot coal—you’re the one who gets burned. If I allow people who barely know me to occupy my emotional life, I am the one who suffers.
So I’m going to try.
10 Things I Am Grateful for About These Difficult Relationships
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I’m grateful for the time we shared, because it made me wiser and more discerning in other relationships.
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I’m grateful for my years in college and the extended time these individuals were in and out of my life, because it taught me how to live on my own terms.
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I’m grateful for the times I was excluded, because that space allowed me to build a relationship with myself and form meaningful connections elsewhere.
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I’m grateful to myself for the responsibility I carried for so many years. Supporting myself, rebuilding my life more than once, and continuing forward required endurance and resolve—and I honor that now.
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I’m grateful for the cruelty and negative commentary on my life. As painful as it was, it clarified what peace looks like for me.
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I’m grateful for being “left out,” because it led me to meet tens of thousands of people outside of that limited network.
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I’m grateful for the lack of support I received during periods of grief and loss. It taught me how to truly show up for myself and strengthened my faith and resilience.
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I’m grateful for the times I was ill and unsupported. It pushed me to rely on my healthcare training, deepened my confidence, and reminded me that my life has purpose even when it isn’t immediately visible.
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I’m grateful for the attention they continue to give me, even when it’s unhealthy. It reminds me that something about my life and presence matters—whether they acknowledge it or not.
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I’m grateful for the friends who witnessed this behavior and supported me. I was never as alone as I thought.
The Best Thing That Happened to Me Today
I received a message from a friend I met during one of the most difficult periods of my life. We supported each other through struggle, and I cherish those connections. I also made a new friend today, which is always a gift.
10 Things I Am Grateful for Today
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I’m grateful for my home.
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I’m grateful for my dog, whose companionship has been a lifeline on difficult days.
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I’m grateful for every job I’ve had and the experiences each one has given me.
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I’m grateful that I moved to Idaho.
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I’m grateful that I’m living my dreams—even when they look different than I imagined.
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I’m grateful for every person I’ve interacted with, because each has shaped me in some way.
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I’m grateful for being adopted, which reminds me that my life followed a different plan.
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I’m grateful that I reconnected with my biological family and gained perspective on alternate paths my life could have taken.
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I’m grateful for the hypercriticism I’ve endured, because it taught me how to set boundaries and value myself more deeply.
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I’m grateful that I learned how to cook well—so I can still create good meals and care for myself.
Inspired by The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, this gratitude practice has been adapted into a self-paced 28 Days of Gratitude course for readers who want a simple structure without pressure. An optional guided journal, Bragging About You, is available for deeper reflection.
👉 Learn more about the 28 Days of Gratitude course
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