Talk About Your Feelings

Have you ever had someone tell you that they don't want to hear about your feelings? Or maybe someone you work with told you they don't want to hear about your personal life? In response you feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, and rejected. You may also develop feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or social anxiety. Maybe you decided to withdraw from that person or from people in general because you thought they just didn't care how you felt. You felt emotionally invalidated. 

What is Emotional Invalidation?

Simply stated, emotional invalidation is a disregard and dismissal of someone else's feelings. Examples of emotional invalidation could be telling you that you are "overreacting" or that "other people have it worse than you" or "that didn't happen" or you are "too much drama." Gaslighting is another form of emotional invalidation. When anyone tries to convince you that your feelings are not justified, or valid, that is emotional invalidation. 

Photo by Jeanette R. Harrison, MPH

How are Emotions Validated?

In "Addressing Healthworker Burnout, The Surgeon General's Advisory on Building a Thriving Workforce" suggested that workplaces

"Create and normalize opportunities for health workers and peers to communicate about occupational distress, grief, and mental health challenges in the workplace, especially during and following stressful episodes."

These are all emotions that can be validated. One way to validate someone's feelings is to recognize that the individual truly feels that way, whether someone else agrees with them or not. Perhaps, there is a reason they feel that way and maybe they do have cause for concern or there is something that led the person to feel that way. Validating someone's feelings is more than only listening to what they said, but acknowledging what they said. Moreover, the response should be genuine, and not just "Yeah, uh-huh," and "Oh, that's too bad." People can tell if the response is genuine or not. Really listening and really changing behaviors or truly trying to understand the other person's point of reference is essential. 

One of the ways a person's feelings can be validated is by recognizing that everyone does have feelings. Having feelings and emotions, from happiness to sadness, experiencing the full range of emotions, or feelings, is normal. Always acting happy is not a normal human response. Validating someone's feelings by telling them it's okay to have feelings and to share them enables the person to feel better connections and also empowers them to feel self-validated and increases their self-value and self-esteem. 

What are the Six Basic Emotions? 

• Sadness
• Happiness
• Fear
• Anger
• Surprise
• Disgust